I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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