Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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