member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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