wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
