In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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