We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
