yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
