so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
