I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
