And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
