That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i think my cat just said my name.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
