better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
