so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
