I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
These tits shall not be calmed
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