He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
