This is not my ceiling
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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