you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Randomize
