giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
