He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
