Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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