i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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