The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
