i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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