Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
