i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
