I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
