I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
