proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
