Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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