found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
