apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
