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you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
