"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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