I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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