true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
