I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
