At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
