do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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