I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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