We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you will always have a special place in my vag
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize