Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
