How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
