If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
