you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
