he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
