Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
