dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
