Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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