You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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