Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my shit smells like andre
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
