Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
